15 Ocak 2026
*coughs* -bullies -
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The reason why I'm still here is the ongoing process of my downhill. I kind of like to watch every hope that I eagerly hold on to dwell in a black hole effortlessly. I may have missed the whole damn joke, but it is a continuously agonizing pain how you repeatedly fail like a bottom. Oh, financial stability, when will you return from the mild economic crisis? I miss you, pal, and so does my old self, who had to internalize the exact words, "You don't even have the money; where do you think you can afford to go with us?" Yup, it was cruel and savage, you may carelessly say. Going further, considering that she was a ''close'' friend of 11 years at the time. Friends leave – more likely to scar your self-esteem for that, almost lasting more than 5 years of psychological damage – things change, and life doesn't stop for anybody.
I don't even know what to say about all the people *coughs* -bullies -* that unfortunately crossed paths. This is the first time I openly talk about the people who scarred my self-esteem, self-worth, belief towards my potential and the odds of being loved.
And in the most emphatic way, I am aware that I am not the only one. But it still haunts me every time I meet a new person, and I fear I might fall for their sympathetic, deceiving behavioural pattern again. Long story short
If there would be advice I would give it to you, my dear fellow sufferer; it would be a quote from one of my unpublished poems:
(2.11.2023)
GET THE DOOR
Give it to me
Everything you bastards,
Stole
Ravished
Lusted
Hoped
from me
Give it to me
My numbered days,
Without my numbers.
A life;
Without an end.
A sufferer;
Without the suffering.
Death;
Without its last breath?
Love, always
-Nilay Bayram
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